I’ve been journaling a lot lately in my old-fashioned paper journal, which has been such a great way to tune out the noise and remain completely intimate with my thoughts. And while many of these are messy musings that are just for me alone, sometimes I write something that I think might be helpful to others. So when that happens, I want to share it here.
Today’s journaling session was on Life Goals, and what Love would have me know about them. This topic did not come out of thin air, but out of a prompt from Elizabeth Gilbert, who shares her Letters From Love here on Substack. This most recent one included a note from Love to Rob Bell, another human I find absolutely inspiring. You can read it here.
Before I share, I just want to mention that often when I am approaching Love with their thoughts on something about me or my life, I think I’ll be met with a blank page. This is never the case. Love always has much to say when I’m willing to listen.
xoxo
Dear Love, what would you have me know today about my life’s goals?
Well, hello darling (yes, Love calls me darling). Let’s talk about goals, okay? Because you’ve had a lot of them. There are the big goals, like becoming a full-time writer or just finishing your book. There are the goals you make that seem to always be there, like reaching that perfect weight. There are those fleeting goals, like selling mermaid crowns or becoming a henna artist. There are the distraction goals, like keeping your Duolingo or Wordle streak (which you keep even though you also hate them).
Goals are something to look forward to. They can be a reason to feel motivated to take the necessary steps toward an ultimate destination. After all, without goals, nothing will happen. Right?
Right.
And wrong.
You just got done reading Liz Gilbert’s and Rob Bell’s takes on Goals with Love, and you felt that nugget of doubt as they threw goals out the window, as they determined the Universe would provide, and to just go with the flow. That wasn’t exactly what they wrote, but that’s what you read. And you thought, “how nice for you, the author and speaker who get paychecks for existing, who have felt the thrill of the Best Sellers List, who can write a book that you know will receive a publishing deal because you have a vast platform of readers ready to devour anything you write.”
You point out all the goals they had to have to make things happen, even as they pointed out all the ways those goals were reshaped or changed completely. They still had goals, and big things happened, you say.
And yes, but darling, you’re missing the point. Because you make these goals, big and small, and then your eyes stay fixed on this imaginary finish line, and you miss all the tick marks of joy that happen along the way. Something good will happen, and you barely live in the joy because you’re constantly looking at what you want to happen next. They’re not even goals, per se, but joy killers because they serve as this reminder that you’re not good enough to have what you want. That’s the lie you cling to as you keep focusing on MORE.
Darling, what would happen if you reached your goal weight? I’ll tell you—you’ll move the mark. Or you’ll find imperfections that need perfecting. Will you find deep satisfaction in being your ideal weight? Will your life make more sense or get easier?
No, because you are still Crissi. Whether you are your skinniest weight, or have a best selling book, or are writing full time, you still wake up and go to sleep as the same person. And the habits you are forming around your goals will dictate the joy you feel within that journey. Because you can go about life constantly unsatisfied and frustrated, reaching for a finish line that is always just out of reach. Or you can pause in the moment as a regular practice, enjoying the peace and satisfaction of NOW, no matter where you are in this journey.
Darling, your eyes are often focused on what’s next, and you’re missing the miracle of now.
So yes, it’s okay to have goals. But set them and “forget” them. It’s not that they don’t exist, but you cannot run a marathon by staying focused on the finish line. You cannot be present if you live in the future. You will not feel joy and satisfaction if you keep your eyes off what you have by longing for what you don’t.
Breathe in. Breathe out. Smile. You are alive.
Love, Love.
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After Word
This past month has been filled with many moments of joy. I became president of Redwood Writers, a local chapter of the California Writers Club. I am gearing up for the release of my next book, Savior Complex, and have received some of the most wonderful reviews from early readers. I’ve enjoyed incredible time with my family, and my husband and I became empty nesters. And I totally got the best impulse buy ever, which is a Hawaiian shirt with my cat’s face all over it.
Here are a few photos from this past month that have brought me joy in the moment.
I don’t just write rambling blog posts, I also write novels. Find them all here.
I just listened to this. I just adore her. Such a great reframe for goals. I especially love the part where they call her a carrot seed! 😊