30 Things

A list.

This week has been a lot, so to take the pressure off, I thought I’d share today’s article in list form instead of writing something profound (or scribbling, if you will).

Note: This is often how I journal because it’s so easy to go back, add things to my brain dump, and reach a conclusion. On this, I meant it as a simple 1-2-3 list. But days later, as I prepare to send this out, I realize I have reached the other side of the things I was thinking about, and have more insight.

Here’s a fraction of what’s been on my mind this week:

1. I never knew I could actually love my job.

   1. My job was always something that stood in the way of my writing. Now it’s a place where I feel my contributions mean something. This is new.

2. I can have a challenging week at work and still love my job. 

   1. At least, I’m not fantasizing about dramatic ways to quit.

3. I’ve heard this song so many times, but this week it made me cry.

4. I am sensitive in the days before my cycle restarts, and it’s okay. 

   1. It’s also okay to give the people around me a heads up. 

   2. It’s also okay to accept extra doses of love (and chocolate) during this time.

5. I don’t have to respond immediately if I’m not in the right space to do so. 

6. Immediate responses only train others that you are always available. Even if you’re not.

7. Pausing before action is always a good idea. 

8. Breathe. 

9. I learned a new way to breathe and it’s changed my life. (Stuffy nosed people, take note).

10. I’m attempting a personal Frugal February, and I can’t tell you how much I’ve spent in my mind. My bank account, however, is still intact.

    1. I do not need those shoes. 

    2. I do not need that book. 

    3. I do not need to buy my lunch.

11. My daughter is one year younger than I was when I got a divorce (Happy 25th, Summer!)

    1. My daughter threw the best birthday party yesterday where all we did was watch Twilight movies, eat snacks, and drink cocktails. And I got to be there for all of it. Having kids feels like growing your own friends.

12. My son is one year younger than I was when I had him (Happy 22nd, Lucas!)

    1. Tonight's birthday rager will be at the brand new tiki bar in our town with a mile long waiting list to get in the door. I. Cannot. Wait. Also, my diet is taking a serious hit this week.

13. Apparently I am aging at the same rate as my kids. 👵

    1. Bonus: The tragic parts of my life feel really far away.

    2. Certain things can still trigger leftover feelings from those tragedies.

    3. Life is so much simpler now than it used to be.

    4. And yes, my kids’s birthdays are right on top of each other. It made for some very interesting times in my poorer years, but now just means February is a month of celebration.

14. If something is keeping me stuck in old patterns, it’s time to unsubscribe.

15. If something is making me feel like less worthy of existing, it’s time to unsubscribe.

    1. Note: this includes social media personalities that make me feel like a failure. It is not mean to unfollow.

16. I do not have to volunteer for a task, even if I have the skills.

    1. I say this on the heels of juggling way too many huge volunteer tasks with hard deadlines on my super sensitive week. I am spent.

17. No one important emailed me in the last five minutes (stop checking).

    1. Why do I check email as a procrastination tool when I’m the busiest? Honestly, other than spam, email is for people who want something from me. It’s never fun, and always adds more work to my plate.

18. It’s not a competition. 

    1. I am 45 years old, and I have never outgrown feelings of jealousy or feeling like an outcast — feelings that developed in 6th grade that I have never fully recovered from.

19. The more pressure I put on myself, the less successful I am.

20. Water is always the better choice.

    1. Why does water sometimes feel like the hardest thing to drink, and then you finally drink it and realize that’s what you were craving all along? Why do I forget that when it’s the same EVERY TIME???

21. Just because I used to love doing something doesn’t mean I’ll always enjoy it. 

22. Some things (and people) are only meant for seasons in my life. 

    1. Friendships change.

    2. Lifelong dreams change.

    3. All of it is weird, uncomfortable, and sad.

    4. It also can be necessary to that better thing waiting in the wings.

    5. But it’s all hard to see when you’re in the midst of it.

23. About those lifelong dreams…

    1. Every time I think I’m done with this writing dream, it’s when I’ve been away from it for far too long. It’s when I sit with it that I remember how much writing makes me happy. I’ll probably share more about this in another post. Let’s just say, in this moment, I am excited about the books I am writing.

    2. The end of my cycle is absolutely never a time to make drastic decisions about lifelong dreams.

24. It’s okay if someone doesn’t like me. 

    1. !!!

    2. !!!!!!

25. Slow. Down. 

26. You don’t have to do anything when you get home from work. 

    1. Doing nothing is a practice.

27. Three things on your to-do list is still a lot. 

28. Multi-tasking is a myth. 

29. One thing at a time is a meditation. 

30. Be present as much as possible.

Something that made me smile this week

Someone reviewed my young adult Peter Pan-esque book, Loving the Wind, on Bookbub, and it was a delightful surprise to discover since they had some really nice things to say about it: 

Can we just take a moment to enjoy that beautiful cover art? That’s honestly the reason I purchased this ebook since I’m not really one that’s into retellings or fantasy. I’ve always loved Peter Pan though so I was intrigued.⠀⠀⠀⠀

And boy did this not disappoint! I loved that it gave voice to Tiger Lily since she was a minor but important character in Peter Pan. It was definitely a great coming-of-age story with exceptional character development and every young teenage girl should definitely read this. Tiger Lily is such a strong FMC.

Highly recommend if you’re into fantasy or retellings. Spice = 0 but the world Langwell builds in this is fantastic!

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What I’m listening to

This week, I could not get enough of Hozier. This man is life, and I will break my Frugal February if he decides to announce his tour this month.

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What I’m obsessed with

The kids and I (plus their friends) have taken to playing trivia every week at a local bar. It’s super low-key, loads of fun, and has been the best kind of together time. Like I said, I grew my own friends. And I feel so lucky they still like having their old mom around (plus, I know all the oldies aka ’90s music on the music round).

I don’t just write rambling blog posts, I also write novels. Find them all here.